Saturday, January 26, 2019

The Sad Reality of Losing Your Dog

I've always wanted to have a dog. Just watching all those adorable videos of hyper active dogs having a blast with their human makes me want to experience it myself. I know it takes a lot of time, effort and money to take care of one. And I prepared myself for that as the hardship is nothing compared to the vast joy these furballs give. But I don't think I could ever prepare myself for the time when they have to go. 
There are a bunch of articles saying that dogs are part of our lives but we are their whole world. Described as loyal companions, we see several dogs providing not just security for homes but comfort and unconditional love as well. 

Before meeting R's senior dogs, Congee and Siopao, I never had a chance to take care of one for more than a week. Needless to say, I grew so attached to his pets, as they did with me. 
Spending time with Siopao and Congee brings so much joy to my day. Though they could be a handful during feeding time, in taking medicines and cleaning after them, I still look forward being with them on weekends.
I am thankful that I was with them when they got to experience new things like going to the beach and actually swimming with us. At the age of 10, they got to go down the slide and ride the swing. They even got to enjoy the cold breeze of Baguio (which turns out to be too much for them). 
As time pass by, I noticed their growing attachment to me. They'd follow me almost anywhere and Congee would even whine when I leave the room. To some extent it felt too much that a part of me got annoyed. 
But I'd do anything to just have those days again.
My beautiful dog Congee passed away last night and it was one of the most frightful nights of my life. I felt so helpless not being able to do anything for her. All I could do is to carry her and comfort her to at least make the pain more bearable. 
I was holding her as she screamed and gasped for her last breath. And when it was all over, it dawned upon me that the most dreaded moment finally arrived.

Cry. All I could do is cry... cry so much because it hurts. The thought of her gone is just too painful.

It kills me that it seemed that she held on and waited for us to come home so that she could say her goodbye. At the very end, she was a loyal dog, a great companion. She was a good girl, till the very last moment. 
I tried to watch all the videos and look at the photos I took of her to remember all the fun memories. But I always end up crying in the end because I know that no matter how many times I press the play button, I'll never be able to relive those memories again.

I will miss everything. I will miss her warm welcome. I will miss her looking at me with those big dark eyes. I will miss her trying to catch my attention. I will miss her sneaking under my table. I will miss... her. A lot.
I'm sure Congee wouldn't want to see me crying. My sister comforted me with the thought that at least Congee's no longer suffering. R gave me a tight hug and assured me that we've done everything we could. 

But I want to grieve a bit longer. I want to miss her some more. She is far more than just a dog for me. She was my baby and source of happiness. And I just lost her. 

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