Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Confessions of a former anorexic kid

You’re soooo fat! Why are you wearing manang clothes?
Those were just some of the snide remarks I used to get when I was a kid. Actually, I didn’t mind it at first as long as I get to eat my favorite snacks (hello Cheetos, ice cream, chocolate chips, pizza, and soda!). However, it hit me really hard when a stranger (an assistant photographer) told me that I was a very big kid (and no, not vertically) and that I needed to go on a diet… fast, quick, pronto, ASAP!
Such statement from a total stranger made me think, “Wait a minute, am I out of control? Am I really that fat?”
Okay fine, I was a bit overweight then but I never considered myself as a rolly polly olly.  But moving schools, entering high school, and seeing girls my age wear pretty clothes I just could not wear (simply because I will look ridiculous in them) made me want to lose weight… a lot of weight.
I was not really into exercising and as a kid and the only exercise I knew then was to run around when playing with my younger sister and chew food (well, mostly chewing).
I felt disgusted with myself. I began to reject “me”.
Since I do not have the motivation to lose weight the right way, I thought that starving myself would be the easiest way to lose weight fast.
My parents were not aware of what I was doing to myself. I wake up super early to drink water and pretend to have breakfast (well I did if only air is considered edible). I’d go to school with an empty stomach and will only eat one pack of crackers and a glass of iced tea. For dinner? I’d tell the helper that I already ate before going home. I saved a lot actually since I spent less than PHP20 a day for months.
My parents started to worry when they noticed that I was starting to become stick thin. But I told them that I was growing and that the fat was being distributed (okay, it doesn’t sound so convincing now than it was before).
I admit; I was pretty happy with the results. I lost about 25 pounds and I could finally fit into the clothes most teens wore then. I felt better about myself. I felt more confident.
But this phase didn’t last long. The happiness and confidence I felt was replaced by pain, agony, and fear.
A few more months later, I had to be rushed to the hospital because I had a severe stomach ache to the point that I kept on throwing up. The doctor said that I was hyper acidic and that I had to take some medicines for a few months to help my stomach recover.
The medicines were extremely bitter. There was one that was of liquid form and it was something I do not plan to take again. There was even one that made me burp all the time.
I then saw myself in a different light. I saw a thin, unhealthy, and unhappy girl. I became sickly and could not enjoy the food I used to love not because I do not want to but because I was not allowed to since my stomach was not yet ready for it.
It made me realize how shallow I was. I wanted to be slimmer because of what? To fit into those fancy clothes? To feel I belong? I can’t believe it that I allowed peer pressure to get the best of me. I became sick because of it. My parents got worried because of it. And most importantly, I hated myself because of it.
I promised myself that I will never ever starve myself again. Thus here I am now, sharing how wonderful food can be.


  1. Nice nice, Best is to be honest to yourself.

    Remembered this lang from the cartoon Daria(MTV, 90s)

    "my advice is: stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong; remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked; the truth and a lie are not "sort of the same thing"; and there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you."

    Medyo food related pa. hahaha

  2. Marvin, memorized??? Hahaha.

  3. Copy paste, remembered parts of it lang. hahaha.


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